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How to Prepare for Feet Season The temperature is climbing, the flowers are poking their little heads out of the dirt, and soon the sidewalk will be riddled with nothing but exposed feet. Yes, feet season is coming. It’s time to prepare. It’s likely been a while since you’ve seen any feet up close, including your own, so it’s best to begin your preparations gradually. You can…

Letters to Moms: A Letter to Daenerys Targaryen In this column, Kristen Mulrooney writes letters to famous mothers from literature, TV, and film whom she finds herself relating to on a different level now that she’s a mom herself. – – – Dear Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, Let me start by saying I would never doubt most of your claims to fame. First of her name? The records can pro…

The Creative Brief from the Brand Agency That Launched Thanksgiving Project Objective Create a recurring seasonal campaign event that amplifies America’s official brand story of bloodless colonialism while simultaneously boosting food consumption and increasing sales of eighty-five-inch TVs in the middle of the night. Explore cross-promotional opportunities with Christmas on traditional and digital channels to m…

Thanksgiving Is Always Ruined by That One Uncle Obsessed with Steely Dan There are so many reasons to look forward to Thanksgiving. There’s the food, of course, but there’s also the chance to reconnect with our families and share memorable experiences with our loved ones. It’s not just full bellies and smiles, though. We all have that one uncle who, against everyone’s wishes, against the very fabric of this holiday, …

We Can’t Let a Couple of LGBTQ Broadway Performers Ruin Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade “An anti-L.G.B.T.Q. group is organizing a boycott of Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade over performances by nonbinary Broadway actors, in the latest attempt to force companies to reverse course on social issues that some far-right groups consider too liberal.” — New York Times – – – As you may have heard, we at One Million Moms will be boycotting t…

Why Didn’t Eagles Just Fly Del and Neal to Chicago? Every Thanksgiving, I watch the greatest comedy of all time: Planes, Trains and Automobiles. It’s beautifully written, intelligently directed, and the cast is absolute perfection. There’s just one thing that always bugs me. Why didn’t eagles take them to Chicago? You wouldn’t believe the rabbit holes I’ve been down searching for some kind of log…

Popular Dystopian Fiction If It Were Describing 2023 Fahrenheit 305 Guy Montag, a Miami-Dade School Board member endorsed by Ron DeSantis, is in charge of rounding up books deemed too dangerous for Floridians to read, such as The Diary of Anne Frank, Uncle Tom’s Cabin, and anything by a Latino author. He begins questioning his role when a chance encounter with Miami’s preeminent intellectual, a wo…

Quiz: Are You the Worst Person at Thanksgiving? Give yourself one point for each answer yes. 1. Are your pants unbuttoned before the appetizer is even put on the table? 2. Are you wearing a pilgrim hat and drinking your fourth High Noon? 3. Did you loudly ask what the turkey’s pronouns were, then smirk into your Modelo? 4. Did you explain the origins of the holiday to the children’s table usi…

Spencer Cammarano, Guinness World Records Adjudicator To help celebrate our twenty-fifth year of being on the information superhighway, we have reached out to some of our current and former columnists for check-ins and updates. Today’s columnist, Suzanne Yeagley, has written Interviews with People Who Have Interesting or Unusual Jobs for our site since 2002. It’s one of our oldest running columns. …

Martin Luther in the West Village: The Twenty-Five Theses 1. When the mega-mansion developer said, “Build,” he willed the entire life of a neighborhood into despair. 2. This despair cannot be understood as referring to anything other than the complete loss or absence of hope, that is, the hope of ever knowing a quiet day again. 3. The preservationist canons were imposed, but only on the height and faça…

How to Select a Superior Baby Name Urban parenting is a battlefield. The best nannies, the right schools—the pressure is immense. Every decision, none more so than what to call your child, is an opportunity to stand out and gain an advantage. Sure, your suburbanite friends might find it distasteful and intense, and perhaps they’re right: not everything needs to be a competition—n…

Nutritious Additions to Our Elementary School Lunch Menu That Are Definitely Not Just More Pizza Cheesy Flatbread Bolognese Parmesan Toast Rippers Italian Tostada Mozzarella Sauce Cruster Open-Faced Pepperoni Sandwich Four Cheese Marinara Burrito, Unrolled Topless Calzone Mexican Pizza (Italian-Style) Deep Dish Pinwheel o’ Cheddar Wet ’n’ Starchy Caprese Salad Detroit Style Discus Margheritus The Papa John Special Dehydrated Cheesy Gazpacho…

Reviews of New Food: Walmart’s Great Value Original Fruit Smiles Walmart’s Great Value Original Fruit Smiles is not exactly a new food, for the recipe has clearly been handed down through fluorescent generations. But given a recent update, they are truly the only fruit snack worth eating. The only fruit snack with substance, tang, and mouthfeel akin to banana flesh combined with a pencil eraser. In a nondescr…

Chief Justice John Roberts’s Guide to the New Supreme Court Ethics Code “The new Supreme Court ethics code released on Monday looks good on paper, experts in legal ethics said. But only on paper. Its lack of an enforcement mechanism means that it will operate on the honor system, with individual justices deciding for themselves whether their conduct complies with the code.” — New York Times, 11/14/23 – – – Fellow ju…

All the Urgent Messages I Have Received from Photobucket A Notice About Your Account Greetings from Photobucket. We’re reaching out to let you know that your free account is scheduled to be deleted as Photobucket is moving to a paid subscription platform. If you’d like to keep your photos, please log in and upgrade to any one of our subscription tiers. We look forward to storing your memories! – – – R…

Short Conversations with Poets: Alice Oswald What is it about Alice Oswald’s poetry that is so immensely compelling? It could be the tautness, the hard brightness, of the language, the sense that every word in every line is earned, desperately necessary, a matter of urgency. It could be the fact that the poems are consistently so beautiful, so flinty and beautiful. They have the flexibilit…

We Must Take a Stand Against Georgia O’Keeffe’s Unrealistic Beauty Standards for Vaginal Anatomy We all know that women are burdened with a litany of unrealistic beauty standards: thin waists, big lips, smooth skin, silky hair, and the most egregious, vaginas that look like big, sensual flowers. It’s like how one celebrity decided that low-cut jeans were a thing, and then we had to deal with them for years. Once the standard is out there, i…

In the Office Auto-Reply Emails for a Hybrid Work Schedule Hi there! Thank you for your message. I am currently in the office with email access. Due to the volume of distractions, I will not get any work done. Please expect a reply between 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. when I am home from the office trying to squeeze an entire workday into a few uninterrupted evening hours. – – – Hello! Because my employer overext…

I’m a Four-Year-Old Boy, and This Is My MasterClass on How to Pee Standing Up Introduction So you’ve mastered going tinkle while sitting on your bottom. It may seem that there is little more to achieve in affairs of the potty. On the contrary. I have perfected the art of balancing on two feet while making a pee-pee, and this is my MasterClass. Fundamentals The foundation of going pee-pee whilst upright is pulling down one…

I Can’t Talk Right Now—I’m Desperately Scrambling to Clean Our House Before the Cleaners Get Here Do you smell that? Maybe I should light some candles real quick. Air freshener would be too obvious. Sorry if I sound a little flustered, but I’ve got like maybe fifteen minutes to clean the house before the cleaners get here. I thought I’d have enough time, but now that I’m taking stock of the current condition of our home, there are at least t…